There was a day when I dreaded mother’s day. Not because I don’t have the best mom in the world…I do-I do!
But because there was a time when I wanted nothing more than to be a mother.
And I couldn’t.
Since we now have two beautiful girls who are one and three-and-a-half, it’s sometimes hard to remember not having children. And since having our second I find I don’t have the moments to pause like I used to, sitting completely still looking at my children with appreciation, love, joy and pure gratefulness that God blessed us with them.
When we just had our oldest daughter, for the first 10 or so months of her life I cried tears of gratitude every time I rocked her to sleep at night. I can still hear the lullabies we played as she fell asleep. I can still feel the warm glow of her nightlight. I can still see her little face snuggled into me as she slept so peacefully.
I firmly remember asking God several nights as she slept in my arms to freeze that memory into my mind so I would never ever forget how I felt during those moments, what I saw and what I heard.
And as I had already learned so well, He answers prayers.
When my husband and I were first married, neither of us were in any hurry to have children. We waited about three or so years before starting, not even thinking of any possibility that it wouldn’t just happen.
But month after month went by and nothing happened. Over the span of about three-four years we tried various things to get pregnant including fertility medications, all the way up to in vitro fertilization. That was the most difficult time of my life thus far.
It is something that is hard to understand unless you’ve been through it. Those few years were filled with every emotion you could imagine and I questioned so many times why God just wouldn’t give us a baby when everyone around us seemed to be having children.
I began to avoid situations that would remind me in the most in-your-face-ways of what everyone else had that I wanted: baby showers, kids’ birthday parties, family picnics at church and of course, Mother’s Day.
But this blog isn’t about the sadness. It’s about the hope. It’s about the fact that I would travel that hard journey one million times over because it made me a better disciple and a better mom.
There is no question that through those hard years God strengthened my faith. And I humbly had the opportunity to prove that no matter what the circumstances in my life are, I Believe.
And then came Mother’s Day.
To celebrate Mother’s Day is what I prayed to God for many, many times over. I’m talking, on my knees, crying out, begging, pleading, desperation prayers.
And He answered.
Worth the wait, worth the tears.
But most importantly I am humbled that God took the time on me…little old me to…to strengthen my faith.
These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 1 Peter 1:7
For my children, God made me a better mother so He can use me to lay out the plan for their future in Christ. As James Dobson says in A Night Light for Parents, “If we truly believe that the eternal souls of our children hang in the balance – that only by winning them for Christ can we spend eternity with them in heaven – will we change the way each day is lived?”
Yes I will.
But only by the love that was shown to me through such a difficult time am I even remotely able to impact my children and show them God’s true love.
So on this Mother’s Day I thank God that He waited to answer our prayers for children; that we have two little girls who are healthy, happy and arrived in perfect timing. My husband and I have been so unbelievably blessed by them in our lives, more than we ever imagined or asked for (Ephesians 3:20). There is nothing more that I want to be than their mother.
Happy Mother’s Day!