And then came Mother’s Day

There was a day when I dreaded mother’s day.  Not because I don’t have the best mom in the world…I do-I do!

But because there was a time when I wanted nothing more than to be a mother.

And I couldn’t.

Since we now have two beautiful girls who are one and three-and-a-half, it’s sometimes hard to remember not having children.  And since having our second I find I don’t have the moments to pause like I used to, sitting completely still looking at my children with appreciation, love, joy and pure gratefulness that God blessed us with them.

When we just had our oldest daughter, for the first 10 or so months of her life I cried tears of gratitude every time I rocked her to sleep at night.  I can still hear the lullabies we played as she fell asleep.  I can still feel the warm glow of her nightlight.  I can still see her little face snuggled into me as she slept so peacefully.

I firmly remember asking God several nights as she slept in my arms to freeze that memory into my mind so I would never ever forget how I felt during those moments, what I saw and what I heard.

And as I had already learned so well, He answers prayers.

When my husband and I were first married, neither of us were in any hurry to have children.  We waited about three or so years before starting, not even thinking of any possibility that it wouldn’t just happen.

But month after month went by and nothing happened. Over the span of about three-four years we tried various things to get pregnant including fertility medications, all the way up to in vitro fertilization.  That was the most difficult time of my life thus far.

It is something that is hard to understand unless you’ve been through it.  Those few years were filled with every emotion you could imagine and I questioned so many times why God just wouldn’t give us a baby when everyone around us seemed to be having children.

I began to avoid situations that would remind me in the most in-your-face-ways of what everyone else had that I wanted: baby showers, kids’ birthday parties, family picnics at church and of course, Mother’s Day.

But this blog isn’t about the sadness.  It’s about the hope.  It’s about the fact that I would travel that hard journey one million times over because it made me a better disciple and a better mom.

There is no question that through those hard years God strengthened my faith. And I humbly had the opportunity to prove that no matter what the circumstances in my life are, I Believe.

And then came Mother’s Day.

To celebrate Mother’s Day is what I prayed to God for many, many times over.  I’m talking, on my knees, crying out, begging, pleading, desperation prayers.

And He answered.

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Worth the wait, worth the tears.

But most importantly I am humbled that God took the time on me…little old me to…to strengthen my faith.

These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 1 Peter 1:7

For my children, God made me a better mother so He can use me to lay out the plan for their future in Christ.  As James Dobson says in A Night Light for Parents, “If we truly believe that the eternal souls of our children hang in the balance – that only by winning them for Christ can we spend eternity with them in heaven – will we change the way each day is lived?”

Yes I will.

But only by the love that was shown to me through such a difficult time am I even remotely able to impact my children and show them God’s true love.

So on this Mother’s Day I thank God that He waited to answer our prayers for children; that we have two little girls who are healthy, happy and arrived in perfect timing.  My husband and I have been so unbelievably blessed by them in our lives, more than we ever imagined or asked for (Ephesians 3:20).  There is nothing more that I want to be than their mother.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Mama Burde

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Martha, Sit your Butt Down!

Well, this is the longest I have gone between blog posts. I’ve been busy. Busy doing an assortment of things that keep me busy from the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep.

I just finished the very important job of organizing my purse. The assortment of suckers, chap sticks, pens, gift cards and of course teething rings were taking their toll on me. I couldn’t take it anymore. Something as silly as an unorganized purse was driving me crazy.

I know after only one kid outing it will all be unorganized again.

That’s the thing with most of the things I obsess about; they keep happening. Over and over again.

Take the dishes, for example. I do them at least five times a day. Funny thing is we only eat three meals a day and we have a dishwasher. But, if there is a dish in the sink I do it.

I was at a work party for my husband about a month ago, chatting with a couple other moms with young children. We laughed about how we rush to get dinner on the table, ram food in our mouths and try to finish before everyone else so we can start the dishes before the kids get done. So much for an enjoyable family dinner.

My husband had the idea a few weeks ago that we would save the dishes until after the kids go to bed, that way we could enjoy some family time after dinner and I wouldn’t be rushing around like a fool.

You mean, leave the dishes in the sink? I got the shakes.

So, I have been reminded, more times than I would like to admit, about the story of sisters Martha and Mary in Luke 10. Picture this…both sisters were extremely excited about Jesus’ visit to their home. However, their mutual excitement yielded two completely different reactions.

Martha (AKA Mama Burde), rammed around in the garden, picking veggies and herbs for dinner, cleaned, cooked, set the table and expected the house to be in tip top shape for this glorious guest. I can just see her running around in circles going just about crazy to have everything perfect. Good intentions of course.

Mary instead sat at Jesus’ feet and hung on his every word, not worrying about the house, food or anything other than the One thing that got her excited in the first place.

Oh, if I could be like Mary.

I have tried…a little…to take some extra moments to enjoy dinner, look past dirt on the floor and try and let the laundry pile up a little before it’s done so I can enjoy the moment and not always be thinking in the back of my mind about what has to be done.

But honestly, it’s hard. I have been Martha for so long I really have to constantly think and be intentional about well…sitting my butt down!

Jesus actually said to Martha (Luke 1-:41-42 The Message), ‘Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it.’

Oh yea I heard that. I get far too worked up on a daily basis about absolutely nothing.

So, this is where tips and feedback are more than welcome. How can I become more like Mary? With so much to be done and so little time sans kids to do it, how can I maintain a nice, clean home (which I think is important) and finish all my tasks, but enjoy the moment? It does always get done after all.  And frankly, I think I’m ready to stop getting worked up over nothing and enjoy only what is essential.

This Martha heard it loud and clear!